Last night, during my critique group meeting, G mentioned that she's terrified of public speaking.
"What's the fear behind that?" I asked.
"That people will think I'm stupid," she replied.
"But you're very smart. You know that," S said.
"I think it has to do with your role in your family growing up. When I was a kid, my brother was the smart one. He and my parents would have these intense conversations over dinner in which they'd discuss world issues or classic literature and I'd sit there like 'duh'." G stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth.
"So because you didn't feel smart then, you question your intelligence now?" I asked.
"Exactly," she said.
What childhood feelings do you still carry as an adult?
xoxo,
Suzanne
About Me
- Suzanne Casamento
- Author of Fingerprints, Choosing Tally, and All the Moments in Between. Tweet me @suzannecasamento
One childhood impression that has been the longest and hardest for me to shake relates to body-image. I've never been terribly overweight, but when we were younger my sisters used to tease me cruelly (standard sibling torture). And I can also see some of my mom's habits and mindsets buried deep within me. On one hand, I eat healthy and love to exercise and feel I have a beautiful body, but sometimes the old childhood feelings of being "chubby" feel so hard to shake. I have felt stuck with it. I recognize it, but the changing it part is what I'm astonished is taking so long. We humans are an interesting bunch!
ReplyDeleteBody image also. My sister was 5'7" and 105 lbs. I wasn't. Always felt fatter than I actually was. Trying to get over it in my "golden years" :)
ReplyDeleteShe was a A+ student also.
Interesting how things turn out though.
She is the heavy one now and I was an entrepreneur.
I know exactly what she means! I had a few times as a kid where I was completely tongue-tied, and that still happens now. It's awful.
ReplyDeleteToo many to list here unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteThat what I think doesn't matter, that I shouldn't question things, and that I'm not worthy of unconditional love. As an adult, I know better, but when you live through that for 18 years, it becomes somewhat intrinsic and manifests in many different ways. However, when I triumph over those old issues, the rewards are so, so very sweet.
ReplyDeleteBody image and never learning how to confront someone or draw boundaries . . . all leading to the fact that I'm quick on paper, but not in front of an audience.
ReplyDeleteI'm scared of public speaking too!
ReplyDeleteI still remember the one day I was sitting in the living room, I was really young, in shorts. My dad comes over and pinches my thighs and says something like "well you've got some fat on there" or something that indicated that he thought I was fat. Ever since then ... guess who has been self conscious. Even when he said the other day "have you been losing weight?" ... I don't think I'll ever forget. Seems small and silly but yeah :s
"Hi. Nice to meet you. You can leave at any time because I'm a horrible person. Thanks. Bye."
ReplyDeleteHo-hum. I'm a work in progress. :)
I never liked having someone mad at me for some reason, no matter how stupid it was. I'm the type that feels bad for an entire day if I accidently cut someone off in traffic. I take things way too personally sometimes.
ReplyDelete