Sunday, May 24, 2009

Question of the Day #200

Wowee - check us out! We reached 200 questions! That means for the last 200 days we've asked, answered, pondered, evaluated and played Questions. Not bad. In fact, I can't think of anything else (that isn't necessary to live) I've done every day for the last 200 days.

So I'm feeling the need for an important question, which as usual, brings me back to last night. After spending some time with my girlfriends, around 1:00 AM, I headed over to Mansfield to attend a party. My dear friends R and J were there, waiting for me. (Nothing like being greeted by a couple very good men!)

We sat around the table by the pool and J kept talking about the old days and how the place didn't seem the same. As it shouldn't, because it's not. And after going back up to my house and grilling steak and scrambling eggs, it occured to me that it wasn't the house J was missing.

"You don't miss that place. You miss this," I said sometime around 4:00 AM.


"You miss grilling up food and starting happy hour as I stroll in from work. You miss steak and eggs in the middle of the night. "

"Arroz con pollo. I miss your arroz con pollo."

"You make arroz con pollo?" R's eyes bulged.

"Of course I do." I plopped steak, hash browns and a pile of eggs on J's plate and handed it to him. "But that's beside the point. You miss your urban tribe."

"Yes! Urban tribes." He nodded his head and gobbled up some eggs. "That's it. That's what I miss. The sense of community. There's no community anymore."

"You miss family," I said.

"Not my family," J said. "My family's crazy."

"Okay, okay. I get it. But the urban tribe is what we replaced our families with. So, now, if we only see each other once in a while, then what?"

"I don't know..." They both said.

As the food coma settled in their eyes and the sun begain to filter in the backyard, I wondered what other people do to satisfy that sense of community. That need for family or an "urban tribe." How does it manifest itself in your life? Where do you go to fill that space?



  1. A coincidence that you should mention community. I had that same conversation with two friends at brunch today . . . how critical a sense of community is to a sense of well-being.

    I suggest dinner parties. Not everyone wandering around a room, but sitting at a table. Old fashioned, I know. But gathering around a table brings people together and reminds us of what matters.

    Commune. Community.

  2. Although I love being a Mom, I really miss my urban tribe & wish we lived closer.

    Congratulations on #200! Love you!

  3. Family definitely, but also volunteering.

  4. Congrats on 200, 200 more to come! I miss the urban tribe of LA, but I think life is full of transitions. Now, getting used to them, that is the hard part.....

  5. Congrats on #200!

    A lot of our neighbors hang out at each other's houses. We kind of keep to ourselves. It's not that we're anti-social; we're just busy with our own family, work, and lives. And plus, we're still the newbies in the area. I am not that close with my extended family members, especially since they live so far away.

  6. I have more of a suburban tribe these days, but it's great: we have eyes all over the place. My son just left school and is wandering the neighborhood? I get a call. And then another call from someone else. My other son's ditching swim practice to hang out with older women? I find out. My daughter so much as crosses the street without looking both ways? I'll know about it. And believe me--I want to know.

  7. Community is family without the genes. People of like and not so like minds exchanging ideas, respecting each other for that and just plain having fun!!!!!
    That's what it's all about!
    (no this is not the hokey pokey)
    Happy 200!!! And Happy Memeorial Day! Let's try to remember what that is all about too :)

  8. Congrats on 200 questions! Wow, that's a real great achievement. Thank you for putting a lot of effort into this. I really enjoy it here. I think the base root of the Indonesian culture includes a lot of family involvement. So, family would be my number one answer :).


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